There’s nothing more uncomfortable than being somewhere you don’t want to be. And there comes a time when a dodgy hostel, having to deal with loud roommates or having to climb up a bunk bed isn’t your idea of having fun. Guess what? You’re too old for backpacking. Read on to find out more reasons you should consider other options.
1. Being Dirty
Once you turn 30, taking a shower daily becomes compulsory. Your tolerance to your own body odour, filthy feet and oily hair is minimal. So having to wipe yourselves down with wet wipes and hand sanitiser is not your idea of clean.
2. You Like Good Wine
A two-for-one beer special just doesn’t do it for you anymore. You prefer a good glass of shiraz with no ice and/or cola added to it. Your taste buds have changed and so has your drink of choice.
3. You Left Your Dormitory Days In College
Remember your first few weeks of college when you had to change in front of your new roommates and felt awfully uncomfortable? Well, this is almost the same thing, except it will be a different person every night.
4. Having To Deal With Noisy People
Whether it’s the people next door having a party in their room or the person who decided it was appropriate to bring a bunch of randoms into your room to chat the night away, noisy people will need to be told to pipe down!
5. You’re In Bed By 10 p.m.
Just as the youngsters head out for the night, you curl up to a good book and get a well deserved four to six hours of sleep before they come stumbling back into your room drunk and loud. Refer to number four as its time to tell them to pipe down.
6. You Panic At The Sight Of Bunk Beds
Speaking of being in bed, the idea of having to climb up that tiny step ladder and not fall off the bed freaks you out. Bunk beds are for children, not for grown people with jobs and responsibilities.
7. Sharing A Bathroom Freaks You Out
It’s not sharing the bathroom that freaks you out, it’s who has been there before you, whose hair is blocking the drain and whose thong is hanging from the shower head!
8. You’re Not Looking For A Hook Up
You’re definitely not attracted to backpackers (with no real job, stability, or life plan) and not looking to get an STD from a random on your journey. But that isn’t stopping the 19-year-old on the bunk below you from getting it on.
9. You’re Tired Of Five Minute Friends
You have a bunch of carefully selected friends back home waiting with open arms to welcome you back. So why try to make friends with someone who is leaving tonight, tomorrow morning or five minutes from now.
10. Hostel Kitchens Are The Worst
No one cleans up after themselves and a hostel kitchen is the clearest place to see that! You just want a clean cup to have some coffee. Is that too much to ask?
11. You Crave Quality, Not Quantity
And you’d pay for it. A little air con, a clean towel and some more leg room is all you really want. You’d pay for the luxury bus over the dodgy unlicensed one anyway – even if it means paying $20 more. It’s all about the journey anyway.
12. You Check Your Work Emails
After this month long backpacking adventure you’ll need to go back to the office and deal with 400 unread emails so why not make your workload lighter and check a few while travelling. It’s also called having responsibilities.
13. You Question Anything With The Word ‘Free’ Before It
Free beer, free food, free WiFi or free shots — just because it’s free doesn’t mean its good! Maybe it is, but why is it free? Is it yesterday’s leftovers, can the WiFi be trusted to work for more than 10 minutes, and is the booze laced with something? Just asking.
14. You Don’t Friend Request The Girl You Sat Next To At Breakfast
Who needs new friends anyway? Or at least people who want to be in your business on social media. Not everyone you meet on your travels needs to become your bestie.
15. You Hate Know It All Young Backpackers
You are almost twice the age of this little know-it-all brat and he/she is telling you about their “life experience,” the meaning of life or what the difference is between a tourist and a traveller. Please just shut your mouth!
And after all this, if you still think backpacking is for you, here are some good ideas.
This article was originally published on December 23, 2014.