Tall women are the exception to the rule. And apparently society is so unused to the concept that we get hit with a barrage of perplexing, weird, and sometimes downright rude questions every time we set foot in public.
Here’s a collection of choice remarks my fellow tall women and I have been hearing all our lives. And no, we never really get used to it.
Read on to understand why.
1. Do you play basketball?
No. Being tall doesn’t magically gift you with athletic ability. So PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop asking me. And while we’re on the subject, no, I don’t play volleyball or row crew either.
2. It must be hard to find a date.
The assumption that women must be shorter than the men they date is outdated and sexist, so let’s not even go there. And besides, why would we want to rule out 90% of the male population? It’s hard enough to meet someone you genuinely like and get along with, without bringing meaningless physical criteria into the mix. And furthermore, there are plenty of men who love tall women and do not feel that their masculinity is threatened by us. (The ones that are threatened — well, we just don’t date them! Easy!)
3. Can you get me that box/book/tool off that shelf?
Gee, all of a sudden my back hurts. And I just got a phone call. And I need to feed my cat. No seriously, I can help you with that, if you ask nicely and don’t treat me like your personal servant.
4. You must love shopping. Clothes are made for tall people!!
No they’re not. They’re really not. Manufacturers make women’s clothes for the AVERAGE size woman, who is about 5’4″ (1.62 cm). If you’re petite, you’ve got your own section in the department stores. If you’re tall… well, maybe there’s an odd pair of trousers or two at J. Crew with your name on it. Otherwise, it’s time to break out the catalogs. Fun times!!
5. You are so lucky that you’re tall.
Oh really? Lucky that I can’t fit in an airplane seat? Lucky that I haven’t been able to find a pair of jeans that fits for five years? Lucky that I have to bend over to take a shower in most hotel bathrooms? Lucky that my feet hang off of beds? Yeah, I feel stoked every day.
6. Do you have Marfan syndrome?
No, my height is not a medical condition. It’s just a function of, you know, my parents both being tall. Besides, at 5’11” I’m hardly a giant.
While some extremely tall people do have Marfan (which causes giantism), the vast majority do not. And you’d know if if they did. It’s pretty hard to miss (see photo above).
7. Can you please slouch a little?
No, why don’t you stand on a chair? Or move? I realize I won’t fit in your photo/you can’t cut my hair/you can’t see over my head, but I really don’t want to give myself spinal problems for the rest of my life because I’m a little taller than average.
8. How’s the weather up there?!
Do I have to dignify this with a response?
9. You should be a model.
This is supposed to be flattering, but really, I’m pretty sure modeling agencies have more criteria than just “above five-foot-nine.” Like good looks, nice skin, gorgeous hair, and, you know, the ACTUAL DESIRE TO BE A MODEL, none of which I possess.
10. You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about gaining weight.
Wait, what??? Is there some kind of genetic mutation that I never heard about that prevents tall people from gaining weight? Enquiring minds want to know! Oh, I see, you think that weight doesn’t SHOW on me as much, because it’s more spread out on account of my height — like an optical illusion or something. I wish this were true. I know that when I gain weight, my clothes get tight, the scale goes up, and I start looking plump, just like a short woman would.
11. You probably never wear heels.
While some tall women may be self-conscious about their height, not all of us are. So I’ll wear heels and tower over you proudly… but I can’t actually walk in heels, so I’ll just stand here and look GREAT, like the Amazon that I am.
12. OMG!!! You are SOOOOO tall!!!!
You may have just come to this stunning conclusion, but I have been aware of this most of my life. So, I’m not quite sure how to respond….and while were on the subject, my height might be a novelty to you, but it’s not to me. So don’t make me feel like a circus freak, OK?
(Also, it’s not good etiquette to say the first thing that flies into your head when you meet someone. Filter it, people!)
13. Can you climb in the back seat?
Unless you have an SUV or a limo, it’s probably not physically possible. This photo depicts the only way I can be comfortable in the back seat of your car. How about I drive and YOU sit in the back?
14. This shirt is “one size fits all.”
Haaaaaahaaa haaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! OK, now that I’ve caught my breath, I can’t tell you how annoying it is to see this on clothing tags year after year, knowing I can NEVER buy that shirt (or hat or pair of pants) because it would literally look like I raided a child’s closet.
This one is closely related to #4.
15. Are you gonna beat me up?
Only if you keep asking me these stupid questions.