Even though they’re only 1,263 kilometres apart, Cape Town and Joburg have one of the biggest rivalries in South Africa. It’s bigger than Kaizer Chiefs vs Orlando Pirates in soccer, Blue Bulls vs Western Province in rugby, and even Team Selena vs Team Justin. Yes, Joburg may be great for business, but Cape Town has the beaches and the babes. Here are 15 reasons Cape Town is better than Johannesburg.
1. Cape Town Has Table Mountain
I’m not saying the mountain has super powers or anything, but there is something insanely amazing and calming about Table Mountain. Being one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World must have something to do with it. Name one thing in Joburg that has the same effect? Hillbrow Tower? JSE Building? I think not.
2. You Get The Choice Of Two Oceans In Cape Town
Yes, I said oceans with an “s” on the end. Cape Town has not one, but two oceans to choose from — the Atlantic and Indian Ocean. And as a bonus — just to throw some salt into Joburg’s oceanless wound — the city has some of the best beaches in the world. The closest Joburgers will ever come to a beach is at Sun City’s Valley of the Wave, and that’s man-made.
3. Cape Town Is Run By The Democratic Alliance
There’s no time and place to mess up with this political party, so they are doing (almost) everything right in Cape Town. Transport systems have improved, there are (almost) no potholes in our roads, and the city is (kind of) safe.
4. Cash vs Class
Yes, Joburg has the cash, but Cape Town definitely has a whole lot of class. There’s just something in the air that makes driving in a old BMW as classy as driving in a Ferrari. Cape Town can turn up in a classy way off a dollar and a dime.
5. Cape Coloureds
Unlike in Joburg, most Cape Coloureds in Cape Town have their front teeth, wear their ‘swirlkos’ (pantyhose on their head) indoors only, and have normal South African accents. And yes, you will see the stereotypical Cape coloured around, which only adds to the Cape Town experience.
6. Less Crime
Cape Town has sharks that might viciously snap your body in half (it’s your choice to get into the water), and baboons that may snatch a loaf of bread out of your grocery bag. This does not compare to being killed by one of the armed robbers, hijackers or drug lords who infest the streets of Joburg. Violent crime is real in Joburg: one wrong turn and you’re in Hillbrow.
7. Amazing Views
The view from the Carlton Building in Joburg is pretty average compared to the views from the top of Table Mountain, Boyes Drive and Cape Point (this list could go on for awhile). No matter where you are in Cape Town, you’ll always have a view of something. Whether you’re in a township with a view of the mountain, or at the top of Lion’s Head, there’s always something amazing to look at.
8. There Are No Gatsbys In Joburg
If you can’t get a gatsby — a roll with chips, salad and bunch of other delicious things — at your local fish and chip shop, you shouldn’t be living in that city. And no, Joburg does not have gatsbys in its fish and chip shops.
9. Joburgers Come To Cape Town On Vacation
If Joburg is so awesome, why do Joburgers make a mass migration to Cape Town every December? Capetonians fear for their lives as Joburg drivers fill the streets with their fancy cars, while their kids try to take photos out the window on their new iPads. Joburgers like the views of Table Mountain from restaurants in Blouberg, and sipping on cocktails along the Camps Bay strip.
10. Cape Town Doesn’t Have Thunderstorms
There’s nothing scarier than driving on the highway and witnessing numerous bolts of lightning hit the road just a few metres in front of you. Well, that’s Joburg for you. The roar of thunder is a constant reminder that you live in a crap city!
11. Cape Town Works On Cape Town Time
When Joburgers are slaving away in the office, Capetonians are heading to the beach. How do they do that, you might ask? Well, the city has figured out a way to beat the system and become more productive with its time. Basically Capetonians work harder than Joburgers, especially when the weather or surf is good.
12. Capetonians Are Loyal
Cape Town is a cliquey town, but once you find your clique you can be assured that those people will remain loyal to you. Head up to Joburg and you’ll have a friend per minute — but they’ll drop you at a click of your fingers.
13. There Are More Than Two Races In Cape Town
Looking for the rainbow nation that everyone in South Africa talks about? Head down to Cape Town. Walking down the street of Joburg you’ll probably only see two of the many races in South Africa — white and black. Come to Cape Town and you’ll see a mix of all colours and ethnicities.
14. There’s So Much To Do In Cape Town
Capetonians don’t need to create their own entertainment, because there is so much to do. Want to go on a hike? Lion’s Head is five minutes away from the city. Want to go wine tasting? Oh look, there are 50 wine farms to choose from. Want to go surfing? There’s a beach up the road.
15. Capetonians Don’t Spend Three Hours A Day In Traffic
In Cape Town, rush hour only lasts for about two hours twice a day, and your drive home only takes a half hour. Plus, you’ll have fantastic views of the sun appearing or disappearing behind the mountain. Which is better than sitting in your car for three hours in the middle of the concrete jungle, like the folks in Joburg!
And just to show we don’t seriously love one city more than the other, here are the best reasons that Joburg is better than Cape Town.