Joining the mile high club doesn’t only give you bragging rights, but puts you in a very elite group of people. If you aren’t flying on a private plane, joining this club becomes difficult with air hostesses walking up and down the aisles serving food and the constant queue at the toilets. If you do want to join, here are a few tips that may help you not get caught.
1. Book Seats In The Back Row
If you’ve been planning this little rendezvous for awhile, it may be better to book seats close to the back of the plane towards the toilet. Not only does it lessen the suspicion, but also makes pairing up in the toilet so much easier.
2. Discuss A Game Plan
It’s as simple as deciding who heads to the toilet first, how long the other person will wait to get up and join the first, and making sure you aren’t seen entering the same toilet. That “Excuse me, but that toilet is use, you can use this one.” from the air hostess is not what you want.
3. Only Do It On A Long Distance Flight
You don’t want to be that couple that leaves the toilet looking hot and sweaty on a two hour flight. Rather wait till the fourth or fifth hour when everyone is deeply engaged in their on-board movie.
4. Do It Before Meals Are Served
Everyone needs the toilet after eating so to avoid walking out to a queue of your fellow passengers and being left in utter embarrassment, try to get to the toilet before a meal or long after.
5. Wait Until Everyone Is Asleep
Once the lights are dimmed and everyone starts dozing off, its your opportunity to do it. Make sure not to bump up against people’s elbows and knees while hastily making your way down the aisle.
6. Do Your Stretches
Having one person in an airplane toilet is pretty cramped, now imagine having two people in there. You’ll need to twist and turn your body into positions you’ve never done before. So do a few stretches before heading to the bathroom because walking to the toilet without a limp and returning to your seat with one is very suspicious.
7. Forget Foreplay
Leave the foreplay for your hotel room or bedroom back home. If you start making out at your seat and suddenly both disappear to the bathroom, you’re asking to be caught.
8. Use The First Class Toilet
Not only is it nicer and has a bit more room to move, but it is cleaner. Try to slip past the air hostesses and make a quick dash to the toilet. These toilets also have better towels, toilet paper and lighting.
9. Make It A Quickie
The quicker, the better in this case. You don’t want to be met by a queue of people waiting to use the toilet when leaving. So get a move on and make it a quickie at 15 minutes maximum.
10. Be Quiet
Keep your moaning and groaning to a minimum. You don’t want the air hostess to come knocking on the toilet door asking, “Excuse me, is everything OK in there?”
11. Do NOT Lean Up Against The Toilet Door
Doors of airplane toilets are extremely flimsy so do not bang up against it. If it does break you’ll be left with your pants down for all to see. Rather, push up against the sink or toilet.
12. Clean Up After Yourself
Don’t leave a mess! Flush the toilet and wipe all surfaces you might have used. Also make sure you don’t leave your condom behind. Again, that air hostess will call you out if she needs to.
13. Do NOT Have A Cigarette Afterwards
If it says do not smoke, you better not light up in the toilet. There are smoke detectors that will go off and you’ll get busted! If you do decide to light up after, you stand the chance of getting arrested.
14. Leave Separately
Don’t go walking out of the toilet together. It is just a clear giveaway of what you’ve been doing in there. Rather leave one at a time with at least two minutes between each other.
15. Wipe That Grin Off Your Face
Yes, you are satisfied, but try keep the grinning to a minimum. Try keeping your mouth occupied by drinking loads of water (you did just have a mini workout), eating something, or taking a nap.