Situated in the middle of Joburg’s bustling CBD, this hotel has spacious suite rooms with killer city skyline views. But good luck navigating the inner city Braamfontein streets to get here: location-wise, this shouldn’t be your first choice as the CBD is a challenge unto itself, which requires navigating confusing one-way streets while avoiding collisions with pedestrians and mini bus taxis. If you’ve landed at the airport, however, the process is much simpler: just catch the Gautrain and the hotel will pre-arrange for a shuttle service to pick you up from Park Station.

Entering the hotel is weirdly akin to disembarking off a plane; the underground car park is linked by an enclosed walkway-cum-bridge, and juddering elevators take you to the lobby (don’t expect a warm welcome, though). The Parktonian has horrific décor and an unusual atmosphere: it harks back to apartheid city chic; when the CBD used to be a whites-only, hedonistic enclave. Rooms have plenty of space, and come with a lounge (with a wall-mounted flat screen TV – which, oddly, is not mounted in the bedroom).

If you stay here, make sure you book a room on one of the top floors (20 and up) – they come with a decent-sized balcony. The view from here (and the bedrooms) really does make up for the strange vibe and the vomit-worthy Jozi-inspired ‘artwork’ on the walls. On a clear night, you feel like you can almost touch Hillbrow Tower’s blue, neon glow. Rooms also have a full-size work desk, mini-bar, and room service. Amenities-wise, there’s not much going on, despite it being a 4-star hotel. There is a stunning rooftop pool and gym (which I couldn’t find access to – there seemed to be extensive renovations happening on the 23rd floor appeared closed-off, which was a pity, as the rooftop is the hotel’s main draw card). The hotel has a restaurant called Orchards on the ground floor that offers a South African buffet breakfast; the Meridians Bar operates daily from 11AM – midnight (and serves cheaper light meals when ordered off the menu). There’s a small internet workstation in the foyer, and guests get complimentary 500MB Wi-Fi for in-room use.

A stay at the Parktonian won’t be luxurious and definitely shouldn’t be a first choice – it has seen its heady glory days, and there are far better hotels (with a better vibe and service), both nearby and further afield. You won’t find a better view of the City of Gold, though.